I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
