See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
