My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
