I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Randomize
