just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
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