I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize