part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
