Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
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