My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
