some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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