I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I think I sprained my soul last night
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Why are your pants in the freezer?
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
