This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
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