Can Purell be used as lube?
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
