wanna go halves on a baby?
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
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