I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
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