matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
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