this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I believe in your delicious
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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