you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
