people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
