remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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