I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Randomize
