id be glad to
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
