Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
