At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Randomize
