During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Congratulations! We have a period
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
