meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize