My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
My life is pants optional.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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