I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
We need to get me chipped asap
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
