Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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