I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
