the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
