So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
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