And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
