What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
