I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
