woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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