can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Randomize
