dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
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