I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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