is your mom at the bar?
I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
