I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I don't deserve a penis
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
