Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Randomize
