my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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