Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize
