It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
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