why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Randomize
