I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Randomize
