guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
