He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
