She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
