so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
