everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
