OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
