In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
