if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Randomize
