Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
