He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Randomize
