and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
