That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Randomize
