Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
