I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
