TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
