i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
