Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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