Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize