just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
