Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
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