ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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