It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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