I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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