too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
Randomize
