dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
