Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
